Motivation for today, when I can’t feel my confidence at all.
Some days I create for someday, when I feel extra small. Some days my outfit expresses joy, that I don’t feel at all. Some days I make for someday, with excitement for when I meet my tribe. Sometimes I create to inspire, when no one “gets” my vibe. Today, I’m doing something new, accepting where I am. Today, I feel embraced and loved; I’m so excited for what’s ahead. Today, I won’t someday, I am present in this moment. Today I write and faith ignites a courageous and passionate poet.
De’Andria
I had been waiting around for some far off idea of acceptance for so, so long. I was in full denial about it too. Creativity is my nature, business acumen is my master skill. I created (spirit guided me to) this brand. Before it had a name, it had a purpose. Before I could eloquently pronounce this purpose, it was a longing. Where did this drive, this longing, come from?
There was a time where my confidence was as natural as the jagged coils that grow from my head. I spoke loud, with BIG enthusiasm. Everything I did was big, including fighting for and with you. I had boundless joy, curiosity, hope, and love. Then, something shameful, ugly, and down right evil snatched the innocent optimism away from me in moments.
I was an imperfect kid with pretty big wide open eyes, untamable permed, but still highly textured hair, quick emotions, and a healthily adventurous imagination. I was picked on for my failure to fit in as an older kid, a perfect student, a comedian, or a tough guy. Those things didn’t create my shame though, they gave me grit. It wasn’t even my naivete, when I NEEDED to be alert.
What it was, were the mistakes of my village for forgetting to have proper checks and balances amongst each other. It was BROUGHT TO YOU BY cycles of trauma. It was a vicious cycle of trauma passed on to me, to little girls and boys just like me; whose own family member couldn’t be trusted to protect their children’s innocence. My uncle took advantage of me, and so many others. That exploitation produced the shame. That shame produced a seemingly insurmountable distrust of self. That mistrust of myself created the longing to trust myself and others again, my drive to love BIG was already planted.
Purpose for me did not come easy at all. All that pain I had to endure, all that will power to keep pressing forward, was intended for a greater meaning. I don’t write to dazzle, or create for likes. I want us to be healed. I want us to be conscious. I want us to be intentional with our lives, our expression, our purpose so that all the pain we experience in this life amounts to change.
May every piece, every product, every service, every post reflect the depths of love I have in my heart. May every single person who reads this, who I come across, feel healing/light fueled energy that inspires them to deal with the darkness that ignites their purpose. Àṣẹ.
