My Pursuit of Sappy-ness

My Pursuit of Sappy-ness

excessively sentimental

I love, love. For example to give myself fully, sacrifice, help, and treat loved ones sincerely. I just love to see people doing what they love, and even more so to help encourage them towards their “pursuit of happiness.” 

My sentimental nature has often been mocked by both people I know closely and some that don’t really know me at all. I both made friends and lost friends because of this character trait. Although I’ve seldom been concerned with being likeable, I didn’t always understand why my approach made some so uncomfortable, they’d rather tease me than return the warmth. Therein lied the overarching problem. 

accepting myself


The teasing, while seemingly harmless in that time, grew with me. I started to doubt myself, attributing those traits to me having some random social development issue. I just couldn’t “be” without making others uncomfortable, so I had to be the problem right? Except, holding back all of this joy stifled me. That energy started bursting out of the seams, and then given to people who would ultimately take advantage of my nature. I was wounded so badly that the joy turned into unrecognizable anger. Seemingly mad at the smallest of situations; I began to hate myself. I believed I was out of control emotionally. Because no one really understood what was actually going on with me. I turned totally inward, assuming it was a personal problem. 

It was a personal problem. Self loathing disguised in naivete. How did I let my joy become my “weak trait”? Fully accepting yourself is harder than it seems. It takes for you to call out your own bullshit, and give yourself credit. I wasn’t focusing on the good that came from my natural joy, I was only focusing in on the few averse reactions. How could I dislike myself so much? 

My pursuit of sappy-ness, is simply just a pursuit of the joy that comes natural to me. What action-oriented trait comes natural to you that makes you happy? What is your pursuit? Don’t hesitate to leave a comment, lets talk!

 

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