Grinding. Stalling. I looked up at my ceiling wanting, envisioning, but not doing. I distracted myself with busy work. I reconnected with my tears. I’d drawn ugly sketches. I’d rushed my progress, yearning for more NOW!

Golden Tears, the trauma was reinvigorated, my process only held up my emotions for a time. I looked over my relationships with my family and began to pick on myself. I could be everything to make them proud. I could rescue my family from the depths of chaos. I could turn this around.

Mirror. He is my mirror, showing me all my beauty, and learning to love all my flaws. Love wasn’t lost, it just felt forbidden; for me. It was a dirty word, a sensational experience. It was something to behold, but not to be held in. It was exciting, intriguing, inspirational, and all I ever wanted, but it didn’t feel like me.

Me, the misunderstood one, my words being lost in a sea of miscommunication. I had been under water so long I thought my skin was supposed to be all pruney and pale. I had lived in this submersion, thinking I was just not grasping my place in this environment, all the while I was never meant to grow here. How could I become what I envisioned without understanding my own story?

Them. My found sisters, my best guys, a reflection of myself; judged and pushed away. My love was missguided, selfish, insecure, defensive and disabled until I lost one from this plane, forever.

Time stood still

Time stood still 

and in our experience we stood fast 

But time won’t heal 

this vessel of memories has passed

As long as you were there

I hoped one day we’d reminisce together 

You’d tell your part and I’d tell mine 

and we’d rewrite together 

They’re slipping and they’re fading as I desperately lose my grasp

It sat untouched, in the back pockets of my mind

Collecting dust, as we lost touch no new moments to add

If I’d known these faded memories be all I had 

I’d have kept them in the safest space, my heart unblocked 

My courage to see you as you are unlocked

I still feel your energy all around

You’re still answering the questions in my mind

I’m growing and I never knew

It’d take all this and you’d be gone too soon…

The Book 2022 , a new 12 Look Collection by designer and owner De’Andria, explores the chapters of the story that ultimately create the book of life. Each look will belong to a chapter (group) that expresses her perspective on Family, Love, Friendship, Career, and Self. This blog post gives a sneak peak into the story and concept belonging to this collection.